Wednesday 22nd February - My What???

'Your Blog! You know, the thing you have on your website - lets people know what you're doing! Ring any bells?'

'Ohhh! THAT thing....now I remember!'

The conversation was a bit longer than that and might not have been entirely serious, but it was something along those lines and got me to thinking that 2 weeks away is really long enough.

So what's happened in that time? Well, 2 funerals have passed (one I attened, the other was in China so couldn't make it), I've been to Cardiff (about as much fun as the funerals) and I've started to catch up with friends at last (definitely much more fun than a funeral).

The much talked about buiness venture of my brother's and mine now has a bank account. No money in it yet, but that's being worked on. Basically means we can now buy and sell as a company and avoid any run-ins with the taxman. We hope.

So that's what's happened in the last 2 weeks. 3 lines. That's it. I really should get out more.

Thursday 9th February - When Sad, Find Humour - It's A Great Medicine

You may or may not have heard of VIZ. Without putting to fine a point on it, I would dare to say that it is truly a classic piece of English publishing.  And it's definitely not for kids.

Well, it's readers are of a certain type and some of them like to contact VIZ from time to time to opine. Here are the best letters they received in 2005, in no particular order:

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road Alan J., London

Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars. T Barnham, London

Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les, Barnsley

The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, e-mail

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh

I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths. Tripod

I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs. Stan

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J

Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Alan Thakray

My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this? Alun Daniel

On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '

Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds

The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colin Hill

The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up. John

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt

Kudos to my good friend 'Muzzy' who brought these to my attention and a special congratulations to him aswell for succesfully completing his sentence at the BC in order to improve his bear-baiting and lumberjacking skills in America's largest state (that's Canada, to you and me).

8th February - Why We Don't Like Mondays

So techinically it was Tuesday morning, but it was early enough to fall into the Monday night category for me, so therefore Monday can take the blame. It turns out that Uncle Tony wasn't the only one to leave us then.

Jewel's Grandmother also passed away at the same time. She was also 86. Her funeral was today.

My uncle's funeral will be next Tuesday, the 14th February which is, of course, Valentines Day and this year happens to be Jewel's lunar birthday. The hotel and restaurant birthday/Valentines day suprise have both been cancelled accordingly.

Lets hope next week gets off to a better start.

7th February - Anthony 'Uncle Tony' Hampton (1919 - 2006)

At about 1.30 this morning my uncle passed away. He was 86. I had woken up about 5 minutes before we got the phone call, feeling like a was still in a nightmare. 5 minutes later and that strange feelign suddenly became more real.

Even though for that past few days we had all been asking 'when' not 'if' he was going to die, it sill hits quite hard.

On Saturday morning Jewel phoned her parents and briefly spoke to her mother who told her that her Grandmother had just been put in an ambulance and was on her way to hospital. She's had health concerns for the last 8 or 9 months, but the feeling is this time is worse than usual. She is also 86.

Not the happiest of times for either of our families. And it seems that 86 is not a good year this year.

The deeply profound sentence that should finish this Blog entry, paying tribute to my Uncle has not come to me yet. All I can say is that I'll miss him. I'll be hard pushed to find such an honest and good person anywhere.

With his passing I feel that, for me at least, a small but precious part of England is passing aswell.

4th February - Too Late For Regrets

I generally like to believe in having no regrets. You might even sy that it is part of my personal life philosophy. I say I believe in it, but, depending on how exactly you define a 'regret', I don't thin kit is really possible to have no regrets.

I have an Uncle (well, a Great Uncle really - my late Grandfather's brother) who is as honest and nice a true war time hero Engloshman that you would ever like to meet. Considerate to a fault, funny, caring and as polite as anyone you could meet. He's getting on in years and has a face which can tell a thousand stories. As a very bad but keen amateur phtographer I always say to myself that I should take some portrait shots of him. More importantly, I always say I should get some phtos of him because I don't have any and he is an important part of the family.

When Jewel came to England for her first visit, about 2 years ago, she met my Uncle and there was a genuine connection between them. They got on like a house on fire and when we all met up next, 2 years later, he remembered her immediately but couldn't work out who I was. And he knows me well. It's just tha tshe made such an impression on him. So I have always said I would get a photo of the 2 of them together for Jewel, and for my Uncle.

My Uncle's wife sadly passed away about 3 years ago and various people help to take care of him now. He come round to my parent's house every other Sunday for a roast dinner. He's been round at least 7 times since I've been back and each ti me I have meant to take that photo of him.

On Friday he was admitted to hospital with severe breathing difficulties. Late Friday night the doctors decided to stop giving him medicaiton as it wasn't helping him anymore. Toda they said that there was no point giving him food or water anymore. It's basically a matter of when he passes now, not if.

He was here last Sunday, had a great time and looked really well. It turns out that this last memory we have of him is a good one, but I remember saying goodbye to him that day thinking 'should I run upstairs and get my camera now? No - I'll just do it when he come for dinner in 2 weeks time'.

For many years now I've made a point of not putting off till tomorrow what can be done today. I've really made a conscious effort to get thigns done right away because we really never know what's waiting round the corner. I've always said it, but this time I didn't do it.

So, I wish I had taken that photo last Sunday. I didn't. I guess that should make it a regret of mine, but I can honestly say that it isn't. Why? Simple - because how I feel now is in significant to what really matters.

And what really matters is that whatever happens to my wonderful Uncle now, I just hope that it involves the minimum amount of suffering possible. He's had a good quality of life and I hope whatever is left of it continues in the same vein.

No regrets - probably not. No time for dwelling on regrets - definitely.

February 1st - Another Man Down

The month got off to a great start today as rumours were verified that my friend and ex-housemate (sounding like Big Brother?) Rob Morrison is leaving the world of the bachelors and joining that of the married hordes. In other words he's just got engaged.

Apparently he proposed to her on a bridge in -20 degrees Prague recently. It's amazing what people will agree to in order to get out of the cold. A trick I must remember in the future...

So nothing else top say today other than congratulations to Rob and especially his finacee Sam.