Blog

31st January

The cold left me, but my laziness is too ingrained in my personality, so I have been away from my Blog for 10 whole days now....not bad seeing as it only started about 20 days ago!

Anyway - thanks to a 'kick-up-the-backside-e-mail' from one friend and a bit of humour in an e-mail from another, I've decided to make my return today. Too late for a New Years resolution, so i guess a Chinese New Year resolution to actrually write something on this Blog will have to do (thats on 9th February this year, for all that want to know). So here it is - tres amusment from an English teachers perspective:

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

20th January

I'm suffering with a cold at the moment. It makes going to work in an office with no windows even more depressing than usual. I worked out that I now see natural dyalight for about 4 hours everyday... don't think thats as healthy as it should be. You would think that would be enough to spur me into being Mr. Outdoors when I have some free time, but whilst that thought is always in my head it never quite manifests itself in my actions.

Still, I've got 2 days off starting tomorrow so this is it - time for me to get my arse in gear and get out and about and enjoy some of that crisp winter air. But I do have a cold, so maybe it'll be DVD's and Pringles for 48 hours instead.....

18th January

I just got an e-mail from a friend of mine today, telling me that she is about to become 'one of us' TEFL teachers very soon (Argentina, not China, is her choice of country). Reading the e-mail got me thnking. When I met this friend in Australia in 1999/2000 we were both recent university graduates with the world (supposedly) at our feet. A few years on and we both decided to give up meaningless/mindless jobs at home in the UK and head off to foreign pastures to teach English.

I had to laugh to myself when I thought about it. In 1999/2000 I think its fair to say that the 2 of us were the least likely teachers you could ever meet - but I guess you could say thet about a lot of the TEFL crowd.

And 2 and a half years after leaving that routine life in the UK, I find myself no nearer to answering any of the questions I couldn't answer at home and am still as confused about life now as I was then.

Whether it is enough is debateable, but I can say that I am much happier now than I was before I came here, so things have definitely worked for me. I can only hope Argentina helps my friend as much as China has helped me.

13th January

I'm working too hard in the run up to Spring festival (Chinese New Year) so not a great deal to write about at the moment, but I've been keeping myself amused by scanning the internet. Hope you find what I found as entertaining as I did.

Whenever I hear stories like incredibly overweight people suing McDonalds for causing them to be fat because they kept selling them bad food, I often say "Only in America". I think I should start adding "...or the UK" to that sentence as it appears that the madness is spreading across the Atlantic.

Take this for example:

Because a British Broadcasting Corp. employee got a toe trapped in a revolving door at company offices in Birmingham (cracking a toenail), executives in December sent a memo to the work force of 800, using stick-figure drawings, with instructions on how to walk through the doors.

There are more like this at News of the Weird and a couple along the same lines in the 'Weird + Wonderful' section on this site

12th January

As I can't call them directly - they're off on another holiday, in Cuba this time - just wanted to say congratulations to my parents on reaching another wedding annivesary - number 31. All I can say for certain is that your 2 kids think you've done a great job!

11th January

So its FINALLY ready.

(Nearly) All the little 'bugs in the system' have been taken care of and the website appears to be functioning pretty much as it should. I hope anyone who is reading this has had a chance to have a look around and has found at least one thing they like. If nothing else, Mum - I hope you enjoyed the Austria Photos ;)

Any comments, please feel free to e-mail to me at: James@whatsjamesdoing.com

11th January

I'm reading a 'Philosophy Made Simple' book at the moment. I'm not getting through it very quickly and I'm still struggling to get my head around a lot of it. I was reading about criticisms of Platos theroy on how a society should be run and as I liv ein China, this struck a particular chord with me:

"...The Platonic conception of the relation between the ruler and the citizen is that of a parent-child relation. The ruler is essentially a parent who directs the life of the child-citizen. But if one's life is directed by some other person, one will never grow up; one will always remain a child. The result will be a society composed of immature people who wil never realize their capacities because they will never be given the responsibility to act on their own initiative. In such a society most of the citizens will never be able to make their own choices and decisions; they will never achieve the kind of moral autonomy that we believe is an essential feature of mature, responsible adulthood."

Makes a lot of sense right now.

10th January

What is your name? Who gave it to you? What does it mean? If you had to choose your own name, what would it be? What if, like millions of Chinese people, you had to give yourself a name in a foreign language you were learning? I think I would research names and then choose one with the help of a native speaker. It appears that some people wouldn't

Kinky: sexually perverse. A simple definition of a well known word. Well known everywhere, it seems, except China. I have met far too many girls/ladies/students who have decided that this is the perfect English name for them. Now I must admit that there is a part of me that enjoys having someone introduce themselves to me by saying "Hello, I'm Kinky," but as a semi-responsible teacher I do think I should say something. But what? "Me too!!!!" is my preferred, but least appropriate, response.

A couple of days ago I was introduced to a new work colleague. She's a recent university graduate and appears to be a nice girl. After I had introduced myself and had put forward my hand for the customary hand shake, she was pleasant enough to reciprocate the introduction by saying "Hi - I'm Titty."

Slightly shocked, I apologised for not quite catching her name and she was kind enough to repeat that her name was "Titty." "What an interesting name," I replied with a slight smirk on my face.

Can't wait to see her wearing her name badge.......

8th January

China is very labour intensive.

I was walking to work today and noticed a poor soul going about her work as what I guess must be one of the least satisfying jobs in the world as a 'rain sweeper'. I'm not sure if that is the correct job title, in fact I am quite sure it's not, but that's the best
definition I can give for what she was doing.

Basically she was sweeping the water from close to the edge of the road and making sure it was RIGHT on the edge of the road. I might also add that it was still raining at the time. Heavily.

This reminded me of another 'labour intensive' moment I noticed a little while ago. Another cleaning job - but this time on a larger scale. Last year I was in Beijing visiting the Great Wall of China on a snowy day and noticed this poor soul undertaking what must be one of the most arduous tasks in the world - cleaning the snow of the Great Wall with a shovel!� Now I'm sure there must have been a small army of these people doing this, but she was the only one I saw.

So please bear this lovely old lady in mind next time you complain about the 5 minutes overtime you are forcing yourself to do......