March 30th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

"I just want to help people, but I've got to live myself so I'm going to volunteer when I have time to help others. The old people with no family, the people with AIDS, everybody with problems - they are people, good or bad, and I want to make friends with them and help tem as much as I can"

I stood and listended intently as she spoke with genuine compassion and enthusiasm for the subject and I was impressed. At home, if someone said that, I would also be impressed, but there would be a part of my sceptic nature that said 'naive do-gooder'. But hearing this in China was unexpected and refreshing and my scepticism never reared its head.

People always talk about the growth of China, how it is developing so quickly and always about its economy. The key word there is 'developing' and once you get out of Shanghai/Beijing or any one of the other major cities, you get to see just how far the country needs to come to help the vast majority of its countrside dwelling population.

The idea of charity in China is pretty much that - an idea. The Red Cross are here, the Hope Project helps give girls from the countryside an education but otherwise most charitable work is done by individuals as opposed to organisations. Having worked in the over crowded charity sector in the UK for a while, its interesting to see whre it is going here.

Social welfare is pretty much the same. Everyone knows the concept, but few people have access to what little there is. Overpopulation brings homlessness adn with it a host of other issues. No government could deal with these problems entirely on their own.

So people need to help themselves. And as I listen in admiration to my friend tell me how she can only make a small difference but is happy that she can make any difference, I see hope, a future and a person that should be an example to all of us.

March 29th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

The holiday is over. The holiday that very nearly wasn't, is now over. We finally decided on a countryside get-a-way and went to a natural spring water spa resort in Wuyi, Zhejiang province (don't feel too bad if you don't know where that is - none of the Chines epeople I have spoken to know where it is either!). It wasn't the tropical-beach-lying-asleep-in-the-sun-all-day 4 days that I had longed for, but it wasn't half bad. And as I said before, it very nearly wasn't.

I really had my heart set on this 4 day escape to the beach, but unfortunatelty all tickets to Hainan had been sold (and I do mean ALL tickets) adn nowhere else seemed capable of getting 2 people in an dout on Friday and Monday respectively. So Friday mornign came and still no destination. So the girlfriend and I got up ealry and headed down to the travel agent at 9am sharp, but they couldn't give us anything either. She kept suggesting countryside places and my visions of chickens in the street and remembering the sheer cold of Spring Festival had all my natural defences crying out "No!". So with her persistence and my school boy type whinging, we ended up having a bit of a barny at the train station (before any tickets had been bought) and she stormed off in one direction and I stormed off in the other.

At this point I was just about at my limit with China. It was a beautiful warm day and all I could thnk about was sitting on my balcony with a beer - so that's exactly what I intended to do. I began walking home and all I could think about was opening up those balcony doors letting the cats escape and with them my responsibilities and worries. Fortunately my girlfriend had 'stormed' off to try and buy tickets and phoned me about a minute after I started walking home, so we met up, went home, had a talk and eventually agreed on the countryside, spring water and abundant chicken population.

So we went, walked around a few old countrside villages (which were really nice) sat in an outside hot-tub as the day turned to night and generally had a good time. As with nearly all holidays, it wasn't long enough. But it was good.

(Photos to follow)

March 23rd 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

At the moment my poor girlfriend is going through a bit of a rough patch. Not only does she have to put up with yours truly on a daily basis but she also has a job that she isn't really enjoying. Actually, it's a bit mroe than that. It seems to be thoroughly depressing her. She wants to quit and start a new career doing something unknown as yet and I fully support her - hell, I left my country the last time I felt like she does now! Of course, economically, quitting her job might nto be the best idea without somethign else to go to so instead she has decided to take a few days off to get hersefl together.

Life is not so bad for me and I've managed to get a couple fo extra days off to make this a 4 day weekend for both of us. Unsuprisingly, we have decided to take a short break from Shanghai. We want to go somewhere warm, preferably close to the sea and definitely relaxing. We are leaving the preperations a bit 'last minute' and as yet nothing is booked.

It's not through lack of trying, though. I've had my Chinese friends making numerous phone calls for me to a host of travel agents, who all have nothign that fits into our 'leave on Friday morning and return on Monday evening' schedule. The most popular seaside escape (Hainan island) appears to be all 'toured out' and their is no space on any package deals. Next on the wish list was BeiHai which is a developing tourist area - so developing that no one has though to have flights leave or arrive anytime close to the weekend, as Tuesday returns and Thursday departures are the best I have found to their 'International' airport.

My final choice was Dongshan, home to some (supposedly) great snorkelling and the occassional mock invasion of Taiwan (it's half way between the mainland and Taiwan).

Tourism is a massive part of any developing (or developed) country. China has got the destinations in abundance, but unfortunaelty thats only half the battle - the other half is having people who can get you there, which, sadly for me, appears to be missing at the moment

I just hope 24 hours later I'll have found someone who can get me to one of these places!

March 22nd 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

"While the cat's away, the mice will play," or so the saying goes. So as my dear girlfirend has headed home for a few days to check up on family and sick relatives, I thought I would take the time to go out and be a 'lad' again with a few friends in town. So after finishing work at 9pm pm on a Tuesday night I thought I would round the troops up and hit the town for a bit of fun. And that's where the problems started...

First up was the fact that it is a Tuesday night and who the hell goes out on a Tuesday night? Alcoholics tend to go out everynight (and day) of the week, but otherwise most people take it easy on a Tuesday. Wednesday night in Shanghai is pretty lively, but with a girlfriend arriving back in town on an 11pm bus and with a promise to meet her, it's out of the question.

So in response to my face-to-face invites to work colleagues I got a string of "...erm...what about tomorrow?" and "...erm...I'm going to go home first and...erm...why don't you call me later and let me know what's happening?," which basically translates as 'NO - not tonight - but I'm REALLY keen on tomorrow!'. The 'Old Faithful' (i.e. the single guy with a British passport) left about 2 weeks ago, so I turned to the phone book and then got a rude awakening - I realised I have zero drinking partners in this party town.

Anyone who knew me 'pre-website' will know that drinking was usually my partner in the old days - but times, for me at least, have changed. The majority of my frineds in this town are female (and not exactly appropriate party partners when the gilrfriend is out of town) and the rest - the males - have their own party routine, which unfortunately doesn't include an impromptu Tuesday night with an unknown night out quantity (i.e. me).

So this mouse's 'play while the cat's away' didn't materialise. And, at the risk of sounding old, I don't think I could handle the morning after anymore anyway.

Maybe next time I need a friend I'll just have to 'Rent-a-German'! (see March 19th post)

March 20th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

I took my tomato face to school today and was vary conscious of just how red it is. When my fellow 'foreign' teachers arrived they all looked at me, took a double take and then asked me how my weekend was before I explained my glowing skin. The local Chinese staff and students, however, were entirely less tactful.

"What about your face?"; "What happened to your face?"; "Why your face red?"; and my personal favourite from a particularly cheeky young lady "Is that fake tan?"

Another moment when Chinese 'directness' higlights another small but significant cultural difference

March 19th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

Struggling over a birthday present? Can't decide what to buy the man/woman who has everything? Want to stay one step ahead of the crowd and be the one everyone is talking about at the party? The you need to 'Rent-a-German'! Apparently what started out as a bit of fun has turned all serious and has had about 200 enquiries regading the availability of Germans for rent, my favourite of which has to be the family who had failed to get a sun ounger on holiday for the past 3 years and decided the only way to beat 'em was to join 'em by renting their very own German for the week! Genious! Has given me all sorts of ideas for 'rentaforeigner' in Shanghai. Watch this space......

Read the full story in The Independent here.

March 19th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

On a more personal note, I now have a face like a tomato. Well the colour of at least. Yesterday (Saturday) I spent 7 hours of the day in a park playing team-building games with Jewel's company. I wasn't part of the team in any way, but as the honorary foreign guest I at least got to be a team captain. My English baby skin does not hold up to well against the sun atthe best of times, so an incredibly strong 11 degrees C was enough to grill my face. NOw it was a fun day but the most enlightening part was another sudden realisation of one of those cultural differences that I hadn't really been able to explain before.

Think about why you go to a park. Clean air? To relax? Maybe to go for a run or ride a bike? Perhaps to get close to nature and see some natural wildlife? In my humble opinion, whatever the reason it won't include 'trying to look good and have as many photos taken of you as possible' which is pretty much how it is for Chinese.

Chinese parks (at least those in and around Shanghai) are completely artificial and man made. Local wildlife usually consists of a handful of sparrows and ther are signs at every entrance forbidding people to bring their cats or dogs into the park (so walking Rover is out of the quesiton too). They inevitably have a man made lake in the middle making pedalo boats one of the highlights of the day. On the plus side, there are usually an abundance of statues depicting various times in Chinese history and often some sort of 'amusements' (at Qingpu this consisted of assault courses, climbing walls etc. making it more like a childrens amusement park than a 'park').

And the people go there for personal entertainment, not to appreciate nature, which probably explains all the amusements. There are scores and scores of women tottering about on high heels, wearing their finest disco clothes, having their husbands/boyfriends/lovers follow them about and have photos of themselves taken at random places (trees and flowers beds being most popular). I even remember a friend (Chinese girl) who had bought some new clothes and specifically went to a park to have her friend take photos of her in various shruberry wearing her new clothes!

And to top it all off - about 70% of the park has "DO NOT WALK ON THE GRASS" signs staring at you.

I did have fun but it was just one of those times when you remember where you are.

March 17th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

Wee Jimmy Crankie! Wee Jimmy Crankie! Wee Jimmy Crankie! Ha ha! Never did I think that the small young man who is actually a very small old woman would bring such a smile to my face

Being new to the web, I recently decided to 'put my website about' and listed it with google. Now I can search "whatsjamesdoing" and get nothing, I can search "James Hampton Shanghai Blog China" and not even rank. BUT if I search for "Wee Jimmy Crankie" I roll in at number 9 in the world and number 4 in the UK. Wee Jimmy Crankie - I thank you!

March 17th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

Time to curse computers again. It seems that Friday, on my day off, at home in bed is the only time I'm going to have to update this scarcely read Blog. An IT staff who have mastered CS (Counter Strike) in their spare (work) time seem to have forgotten how to keep on top o fnetwork problems and the office PC has decided that my writing is so bad that it will not allow me to get on to my website at work. Probably a one computer protest and its very own attempt to save the worl wide web from my writing!

As this is the first Blog in a week, it's a bit longer than usual and is really an update of the past week - so there's no specific topic and it will jump form one to the other with no apparrent connection. I apologise in advance.

So lets begin. Teaching English. I've been really enjoying my work recently - really. In the class it's been great fun. Outside, however, is a whole different game. The schools policy now seems to be that we hire good looking teachers regardless of their teaching ability. Whilst I'm not the most professional teacher in the world, I do have issues with this (which have been expressed to management) although I'm not sure if I should just be thick skinned and take it as a compliment that they hired me!

Teaching part 2: Learning, teaching and knowing grammar is, for most, pretty dull. If you're a bit rusty and need to know the difference between your intransitives and adjectives, then let LittleMikeys proper english help you out with a humourous explanation on how flexible the word 'fuck' really is in language.

The fitness regime is still in full effect - and, again, I'm loving it. Admittedly it's only been 10 days, but still it's 10 more days than I had done in the past year! There's been circuits, swimming, weights and even yoga. My body is aching in all and other places, but I feel better for it. I think the emergence of Spring has also had an effect - the sun smiles and so do I. Just hope he doesn't smile up to his summer high of 44 too soon. 25 is good enough for me. And for those in London, appreciate your surroundings. The Spring in London is really hard to beat.

Next week: Well the other half is feeling pretty stressed with life (she assures me it's nothing to do with me!) and especially work, so she is goping to take a week off and go back to visit her home town, Gaofeng. So I've got a free house from Sunday to Thursday if anyone wants to party! Better than that, though, is after she gets back (ahh - aren't I sweet?) when we both have 4 days off and are going to head to China's own Hawaii - Hainan Island. Woo Hoo! A special easter Egg for me this year then!

Anything else? Well, yes. I got into a lift in a rather luxurious shopping centre in Shnaghai the other day. The door was closing, but as I could see an older lady and what looked like her granddaughter rushing towards me, I held the door open for them. They both got in, the old woman looked grateful and the young girl (8 ish) looked at me emotionless. I smiled. The little girl turned to her grandmother and said, in Chinese, "I don't like being in the lift with foreigners." I understood and had my rough translation confirmed by my grilfriend. The grandmother looked at me with a knowing look of embarrassment, but said nothing to the child. My first though? Could you imagine what would happen if a young boy in England said "I don't like being in the lift with a Chinese/African/German/insert any other nationallity"? China.

OK - weekly update pretty much complete. Hope everyone is well and not suffereing from to big a St. Patricks day hangover!

March 10th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

I'm lazy. Real damn lazy. I usually do things at about 60% effort...on a good day. I've been pretty happy with that for a while and my cyclical routine of spending about 3 years doing nothing and then 6 months doing everything appears to still be in motion.

There's nothing like desperately clinging to past glories and that is exactly what I tend to do. The glory days of Meadow Sports Football Club as a schoolboy teenager (boy, we were good) and that hugely symbolic but oh so long ago London Marathon (and being brutally honest, I didn't do all that well - but at least I did it). In conversation classes about exercise I often find myself comparing my dear students physical prowess with my former self, without admitting (even to myself) that those days of gold have been lost to years of junk food and a 'junk-lifestyle'.

So yesterday appeared to be the start of the 'up' in the cycle. I got up, did all the house chores that needed to be done, cooked the healthy lunch and got back into the exercise game. I strapped on my old trainers (which smelt like they hadn't seen daylight for a LONG time, which was not suprising as they hadn't!) and started moving my legs in an unataurally fast way (for me at least). Nothing too strenuous as I'm all too aware of doing too much too soon and losing the motivation and energy to keep going.

And boy did it feel good. It wasn't exactly easy going and after 5 minutes I was thoroughly embarrassed at just how much I'd let myself slip from my previously incredibly low standards - I really didn't think it was possible to slip when you were lying on your back, but apparently I did.

So it felt great and even though the legs are a bit sore today, I've been on a high all day. So I'm writing this to remind myself how good it is when I find myself staring into a bucket of chips at the end of next week, having failed to get out those smelly trainers for a 2nd airing

March 8th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

What exactly is this man doing? Communicating with his neighbors using his new Toilet Phone? Blowing up his Inflatable Toilet? Or is he simple blowing bubbles? Well the correct answer is None of the Above. This guy is using the new breath easy, Toilet Snorkel, formulated to provide a fresh air source during fires in high rise buildings.

In most fires, it's the smoke that will get you, and a source of fresh air can be a life saver. So our inventor designed a way to snake a snorkel through the zigs and zags of your toilet, so you can breath sewer air instead of smoke.

Hard to believe it, but htis is an actual REAL invention and has an actual REAL patent in...where else...the USA! Strange but true (the invention, not the country). And if you still don't believe me, try http://www.totallyabsurd.com/ and check out the archive - can keep you entertained for a LOOOOONG time.

March 6th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

"Aye, yir for the pot moup. Ye'd be better tunnelin oot an leggin it wi me."

'What the hell is he talking about?' I hear you cry. Well, try reading it again, but this time with your finest wee Jimmy Crankie Scottish accent and it might just start to make sense

I've got a student who speaks very good English, but has paid a lot of hard earned readies to improve his listening skills, primarily because his new boss is from Scotland - and my poor student can hardly understand a word he says!

He's struggling and I said I'd help him find something to give him an insight into Scottish pronunciation. So I trawled the web and found a few things which might be good for him. But by far and away my favourite was 'Stoorydooster' which has got pics and a translation to 'standard'English to help you truly understand what is going on.

And in case you are still wondergin, that first sentence translates to English as.....

..."Yes Indeed, you are destined for the cooking vessel dear pet rabbit. You would be better served tunnelling out and running off with me."

So if you ever need a translation from Scottish or need to know what the hell Phil is talking about, give it a look

Oh, and its payday today - woo hoo!

March 4th 2005 NEW!!!! Spring Festival - Photos only 

So what's been happening today? I read that China has released a paper condeming the Human Rights situation in the USA (shortly after the USA had published a similar paper condeming Human Rights in China) in its yearly 'pots-shouldn't-call-the-kettle-black-tit-for-tat' with the "Land Of The Free". I saw that her royal maj The Queen (not Madonna) knighted Sir Eric Clapton and then asked him who he was and what he did - now theres a woman with her finger on the pulse (maybe Madonna would have been better on this occassion!). But, credit where credits due, I did hear that she scrapped French Champagne and French menus form a royal banquet recently (the first time EVER) in an attempt to show solidarity with Londons bid to host the 2012 Olympics (Paris is also on the list of hopefuls). Good on ya' 'Lizzie.

What else? Well I started my Friday day off with by watching Lieutenant Frank Drebboan go toe-to-toe with Mikhael Gorbachov, Yasser Arafat, Colonel Gadaffi and Iranian looking Ayatollah and a few other 'shady' characters in 'The Naked Gun' (remember those? Worth dusting them off if you've still got them on video...and if you've still got a VCR!). That was followed by a bot of Alfie - the recent remake with Jude Law.

Now I'm not always keen on the re-makes of old classics. I like the concept of giving these old gems a touch up wth special effects, but all too often they seem to lose that little spark which made them cult classics originally. Dare I say it, is seems too happen more often when its a British classic being given the once over by our friends on the other side of the Atlantic ditch. Notice I said usually - not always. Thats because there's somethign about those Michael Caine films being remade whic just seems to work.

First came 'Get Carter'. The original was/is a must-see. You can feel the working class in the movie and no one else could have played Carter like Michael Caine. He cameod in the remake (Sly Stallone "Got Carters" role) and his turn to the dark side which culminated in a bullet in the back was the only down side of an otherwise great movie.

Next up was 'The Italian Job'. I am sure there are those traditionalists who will always say the original was best - and maybe it was - bu tthe re-make was a different type of movie with a real humour and personality of its own.

And now comes 'Alfie'. And whoever has been working their magic on the otehr re-makes appears to have done it again with another great re-make. Jude Law is no Michael Caine, but he's classy enough in this to carry it off well. I recommend it to everyone.

I guess I am a little suprised that these classics have been re-worked so well. Thinkng about it, maybe I should'nt be. Mayeb I should just be more suprised when re-makes of great movies are so bad - its not like someone had to write a good story to make them work!

March 3rd 2005

The restaraunt is booked, the cake is ordered, the bracelet has been given and the bank account is as good as empty - it's that time of year again - the girlfriends birthday!

As I mentioned in a previous Blog, those lucky Chinese gals get two birthdays a year and this is the second one for Ms Du. So, baby, this ones for you - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEWEL!

March 3rd 2005

I trained for and (mostly) ran the London Marathon once. It wasn't easy, but was very rewarding - especially for a non-runner like me. At the time I thought nothing of going and running a half-marathon in the afternoon. Nowadays 3 flights of stairs is about a far as I can push myself.

I chose to train for the marathon for a number of reasons, the biggest one being a 30 year old (at the time), bald, ex-army, running mad university neigbour of mine who goaded me into it by saying he knew I couldn't finish it. I should say thanks to him, because he helped me achieve something I would never have gotten of my arse to do if he hadn't.

So I trained, ran and gave up running. He didn't. Before and since that time he has ran numerous marathons, a few double marathons (56 miles) and the odd 'ultra' marathon (about 80 plus miles, if I remember rightly). To say his running CV is impressive is an understatement. By his own admission, he's 'knocking on a bit' now and it looks like he's going to be hanging up his running shoes for good. So what would be an appropriate way to go out? How about 150 miles through the Sahara desert over 7 days, carrying all your own equipment? Not appealing to most, but perfect for him.

The 'Marathon Des Sables' is, for good reason, known as the 'toughest footrace on the planet'. And from 9th - 16th April 2005 about 600 lunatics, sorry, competitors will be pushing themselves to the limit as they try to prove that aeroplanes are not essential to modern life.

So as I wheeze my way up the 3rd flight of steps and stuff another doughnut into my oversized gullet, I'll take a moment to think about what the human body is really capable of when pushed. Well, if I get an e-mail form him on 17th April, I'll know for sure that humans are capable of it.

Good luck Mark

February 28th 2005

OK, so techinically speaking it is still February, but I'm a little ahead of myself and taking advantage of the calm before the storm at work and getting webpagey things done whilst I have the chance.

So what's new? Well, theres a whole laod of photos (finally and as promised) which were taken during Spring Festival (seems like such a long time ago....) and which are not too bad, if I do say so myself. PLEASE CLICK HERE TO SEE THEM

What else? Erm, not a great deal. I've been reading a lot of other 'Blogs' lately and find that some of the more interesting are those which are 'warts and all' so I'm going to try and put a bit more 'substance' (nothing narcotic, I should add) into my writing, although you probably won't think that after reading this!

Oh, and I've also just found a 'slightly unfortunate' about having a Chinese girlfriend - 2 birthdays in one year!!!! (by the way Jewel, if you're reading this, its really not an unfortuante thing, but I am writing this 'tounge in cheek' and attempting a bit of humour ;)). With the traditional Lunar calendar and the internationally accepted civil solar calendar, the lucky people of China can enjoy 2 celebrations each year. Lucky them, but unlucky foreign boyfriend who has to shell out twice in a week (February 25th for the Lunar and March 3rd for the solar) to keep the Mrs happy! A prime example of how it is good to accept new cultures whilst retaining your own traditions!

February 28th 2005

Footballers are know to be a bit....well.....dumb. Sporting prowess they have in abundacne (some of them at least) but their intelligence quota is not always equal to the amount of coverage their words get. It's another stereotype with some truth I'm sure and one which I am sure all footballers (and non-footballers) are fully aware of.

David Beckham gets a lot of press coverage for many reasons and his intelligence is often ridiculed. Saying that he did not know which religion he was going to have his son Christened into, for example, has not helped him in this matter.

So abusing a football player by calling them stupid is not really abuse. Probably wouldn't cause them much offence. Unless the person saying it had a reputation for being, well, not to bright either.....

last week Ryan Amoo, the Northampton Town midfield player, suffered the ultimate indignity of being described as "a bit thick" by his girlfriend, Jade Goody, the former Big Brother contestant, after he asked her whether an Eskimo was an animal.

Thanks again to the Guardian's 'fiver' for that little gem