Outside of China
Although most weird and wonderful things I see nowadays are in China, I do have access to the internet (obviously!) so I can keep up to date with other weird and wonderful shenanigans around the world. Take these for example:
Scientists at Oxford University are to torture people in laboratories in an experiment to see whether a belief in God is effective at relieving pain.(read the full story from The Guardian
here)
Or how about other Weird and Wonderful websites. Yahoo have taken the time to compile a list of the top 10 websites in 2004. It didn't make the list, but this
Totally Absurd site is well worth a visit.
In the Classroom
As with all jobs, teaching can be frustrating at times, boring, amusing and rewarding at others. It is not often completely baffling, but this was one of those times. I was teaching a class I have taught a number of times on likes and dislikes in a one on one private teacher situation. One conversation went something like this:
Teacher: What food do you like?
Student: I like meat.
Teacher: Which meat?
Student: All meat. Beef, pork, chicken, sheep meat. All types of meat!
Teacher: And what food don't you like?
Student: Mouse.
Teacher: Excuse me? What did you say?
Student: Mouse.
Teacher: (after confirming 'mouse in Chinese). You don't like eating mouse? Why?
Student: Yes. I don't like eating mouse because it is horrible.
Teacher: Oh. Mouse tastes bad?
Student. NO! It's delicious! But if someone tells me it's a mouse I don't like it.
Teacher: ...(stunned silence)...
Student: But it is delicious. So I don't like mouse.
Teacher: ...OK....moving swiftly on.....next question......
In the Restaurant
It happens all too often in China. There seems to be a huge majority of people who lack 'common sense' or at least have little/no ability to 'think lateral'. One of my favourite shows of this was when I recently tried to order a vegetarian pizza. Background to the story: a vegetarian pizza in this restaurant consisted of the standard cheese and tomato, onions, mushrooms and egg-plant - price 15rmb. The conversation went something like this:
Girlfriend: Can I get a pepperoni pizza please?
Waitress: Of course, no problem. And you Sir?
Me: I would like a vegetarian pizza please.
Waitress: Sorry - we have sold out of vegetarian pizzas.
Me: Sold out? Oh, I thought you made the pizzas fresh.
Waitress: We do, but we have no egg-plant so we have no vegetarian pizzas left.
Me: OK. As I don't eat meat, a vegetarian pizza is pretty much all I can eat. Do you think you could make one without the egg-plant? Of course I'll still pay the full price, but I just want to eat something!
Waitress: Erm...Sorry, no. We have no vegetarian pizzas left.
Me: I'm sorry to be rude, but do you think you could check with someone - the manager or chef - and see if they can make an exception this time?
Waitress: Erm..(thinks for about 10 seconds).OK. Wait a moment..(a moment - or 5 minutes - passes)..OK. Sorry. The chef says there is no egg-plant so he cannot make a vegetarian pizza. He can make a pizza with onions and mushrooms.
Me: OK. That sounds fine. So it's a vegetarian pizza with no egg-plant? 15rmb?
Waitress: No. We don't have any vegetarian pizzas left. This one will cost 20rmb.
Me: But it's a vegetarian pizza with one less topping - surely, if anything, it should cost less, shouldn't it? I mean, I am happy to pay the same price, but...
Waitress: We have no vegetarian pizzas left. This one costs 20rmb.
At this moment the manager notices the slight disagreement in his relatively empty restaurant and comes over to see what is happening...
Manager: Is there a problem? Can I help you?
Me: Well, I would like a vegetarian pizza...
Manager: ...oh, sorry we don't have any vegetarian pizzas - we are sold out.
Me: ...I know, I know. But I can't eat any of the meat pizzas, so I was hoping I could get a vegetarian pizza but, just without the egg-plant. So a cheese and tomato pizza with mushrooms and onions, just without the egg-plant. Is that possible?
Manager: I see. Of course you can have a cheese and tomato pizza with mushrooms and onions. No problem. That will cost 20rmb.
Me: 20rmb, eh. That's what the waitress said. But its just a vegetarian pizza, which costs 15rmb, this time without the egg-plant i.e. it has one less topping. Surely that should, if anything, make it cheaper, not more expensive! I don't want to pay less for it - I'm happy to pay 15rmb - but I just don't see why I should have to pay more for less!
Manager: Oh!!!!! I see!!!!! OK, OK - one vegetarian pizza with no egg-plant for 15rmb. Yes, that seems OK. No problem. Can I get you anything else?
Me: Maybe a bed - I think I need to lie down after all that..
(NB: although a lot of the conversation was in Chinese, this is pretty much how events transpired. The last sentence I said, however, is a complete lie and has only been added for effect)
